February 2012
4 tags
Watchice loves coco loves her shoes.
four of the movies we rented were defective so i...
hello. (ring bell if one is present on the counter.) you may recognize us as the lovely ladies who rented your entire mary-kate and ashley olsen selection a few days ago. but now you might not recognize us. because we are no longer lovely. we are livid. all four dvds were defective. (slam hand down on counter.) did mary-kate end up with jon in passport to paris? did ashley enjoy her...
2 tags
“i wanted to do a president’s day bar crawl. you know, because nobody does...”
– emily is the smartest woman i know.
3 tags
that awkward moment when you start coughing...
a list of suggestions for our fake wedding that i...
guests given mood rings upon entering so they know exactly how they feel at all times during the ceremony.
bride and groom have own mascots.
all ushers must be usher impersonators who only respond to questions in usher lyrics while wearing bedazzled tuxes which say “yeah!”
david bowie to DJ.
candlelight vigil.
cast of dawson’s creek must bartend reception - katie holmes is...
“let’s get captain hammer-ed tonight so that tomorrow morning we feel dr....”
– mike.
1 tag
lessons learned on february 17, 2012:
the worst time to be in the middle of dying your hair is when you discover a small electrical fire/smoking electrical outlet in your apartment.
1 tag
can somebody please remind me what sleep is? is...
2 tags
“you need to come to dinner tonight if only so we can sit on the couch while...”
– katie and i are making a delicious family dinner this evening and i mostly agreed to meatloaf so i can be obnoxious about it.
arrested development.
lucille: oh, please. i’ve been drinking since before you were born. so if alcohol’s the reason i’m here, i got news for you, bub. it’s the only reason you’re here, too.
michael: hey, look at that. you’re mean sober, too.
1 tag
some day, in the not so distant future, people are...
i'm not hungover. i have wine flu.
“happy valentines day and thank you for choosing mcdonalds.”
– the worst sentence in the english language.
3 tags
5 tags
remembered tales of drunken nights, part two.
nick and i spent the majority of our friday night discussing the new arrival of a giant mystikal poster at club mydia.
this led to a discussion about how awesome it would be if there was a mystikal poster in the style of the censored version of “shake ya ass” in which mystikal is halfway through the door, holding a microphone, with a speech bubble that reads, “I TOLD YOU...
2 tags
1 tag
“i’m going to be giving out free handys in your bed all night. hope you...”
– just looking through my sent text folder and cherishing some real treasures from when sandrin went home for a weekend and i made ridiculous threats.
“five guys in one week? what, is she starting a basketball team?”
– lynette re: bree, desperate housewives.
did anybody else stay up all night
watching jay and silent bob strike back and four hours worth of law & order: criminal intent while writing a paper on fate in moby dick and another on latent print analysis?
just me? cool.
last year i helped out my roommate kay on several...
one in particular involved me in a ronald mcdonald costume (because “the crotch was too high up for scott to wear”) sitting in our apartment complex’s bus stop (a bus which pulled in as i was posing in said costume) and smoking a cigarette.
i had forgotten about this photo until a few days ago at breakfast, when i found out that manning is currently in a bidding war (currently...
1 tag
“i know about another story that turned out to be true. it’s about a virgin who...”
– kenneth parcell, 30 rock.
“is that carl winslow?”
– sandrin on cee lo green.
there is nothing junior about junior mints.
liz: do you want a junior mint? i forgot to brush my teeth before we left so john suggested i should get junior mints.
me: that makes me wonder how many times john has supplemented teethbrushing for junior mints.
